How To Lose 130,000$ in 5 Simple Steps: A Guide For DeFi Degenerates

Disclaimer: This article is satirical. We do not encourage anyone to use this fool proof method to lose 130,000$ of his own money.

Who hasn’t been there? A new coin drops, you have no idea what it does. The logo is funny or the coin is somehow attached to a DeFi “influencer”. “Based!”, you tell yourself! “This will moon! ALL IN!”. You invest your life savings first, then go research the project after (Hah right, researching is for losers kek!).

P.S. The following story is real and inspired by yesterday’s Eminence fiasco and fomosaurus’ tweet

Step 1: Find a shitcoin

You have your retirement money at your fingertips. This is bad! You need to lose it quick! Alas, you see a tweet about this new project dropping called Eminence! It is obvious that it’s experimental and little is known about it, but it says “NFT” somewhere! Call the Appollo 11 out of retirement this is going lunar!!

Step 2: Invest your money

You invest 130,670.28$ worth of Ether! Excellent! But we’re sure you were quicker than us and your trigger happy fingers already did that. We’re proud of you. Mama will be proud of you too.


Pro tip: Don’t forget to pay $16.21 in gas fees! Top kek

Step 3: Research the project

Lmao kidding bro

Step 4: Get rug pulled

Ok listen up buddy! 90 mins have passed… The Bogdanoff call came in. The Illuminati did their bid! The coins you just bought for 369 ETH? They’re worth about 1 ETH now!! We can finally flush our retirement money down the drain!

Step 5: Sell said coin

Ok king. We’re almost there. Now sell your coins on Uniswap!


Pro tip #2: Don’t forget to pay $15.65 in gas fees!

How to avoid getting REKT?

The quick maths: You bought in at $130,670.28 and sold out for $368. Ignoring the (now minimal in comparison) gas fees and peanuts: You are now $130,000 poorer.

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